Hanging in There

I suspect my mother will be sworn in as Executor for my Dad's will today. It sounded like the attorney was going to make sure she got to the courthouse. I'm guessing he will be the one helping her (as he sucks even more money out of her bank account) since there is no way she can do everything by herself.

I'm trying to accept that the things my mother has done and said are not really "her," but I still wonder where the line is that voices her true feelings over the feelings about me that she has conjured up in her mind. I told my husband over the weekend that on some level she must have hated or disliked me for years. I can't see that much venom coming completely out of nowhere even if dementia is involved.

Anyway, I'm a little melancholy today and kind of missing her even though I know that walking away from her is for the best. I don't have the money to fight my relatives and the constant drain of energy from fighting with her all the time wasn't doing anything, but stress me out.

So....I'm hanging in there and taking one day at a time. I do plan to call her on Wednesday and see about getting some of my stuff out of her basement. I believe the relatives will move her by the end of the year and I don't want to be rushed to remove all of the stuff I accumulated from childhood. (It made the move with them to their new house, since I had nowhere here to store it)

Fortunately, the most sentimental things I have from my Dad are already here, but I have plenty of stuff in her basement that I need to sell on eBay. I feel compelled to purge myself of my past and look forward to my future. I would like to think that she will still be in it at some point, but with the events of last week....I am sort of having my doubts.

 

Trying to Find Some Balance

So....I am sitting here this morning wondering how other people balance everything in their lives.

I was already drowning in a sea of disorganization and chaos before my Dad passed. Now, I not only have the job of looking after my mother, but am trying to stay on top of all the paperwork as well.

I have neat (at the moment anyway) little piles of paperwork stacked on the kitchen table and buffet that are things I either am following up on, or need to follow up on. I have a tote box that is filled with paperwork to be sorted and a notebook of stuff that needs to be put on the computer.

Meanwhile, I am trying to restart my eBay business and I am still trying to fit some writing jobs into the mix. It's still chaos, I'm still disorganized and --- at the moment --- I'm way overwhelmed.

Anyway, if you are going through the same thing, I am told that it is normal. If you asked me how to handle all of it, however, at this point in time I would have to tell you that I simply don't know. All I know is that not only do you get to deal with the grieving process of losing a loved one, but life keeps going on and somehow you have to take ahold of something and just try to keep going right along with it.