The Defiant One

If it wasn't so painful it would almost be amusing.

I have found that whenever my mother has relatives staying with her, she becomes defiant (or perhaps cocky is the better word). She will call and make demands. She will ignore my comments or make smart comments when I say something or give advice. As an example, I mentioned she should be careful that it was too hot for her (and her brother) to be outside. Her response, "We're adults and we can do what we want."

My mother doesn't typically make these remarks when it is just me and her, but bring a few relatives or a friend into town and it's like a whole different personality erupts. A mean one and not one that I generally want to be around.

Anyway, yesterday she called and wanted to know when I was cutting the grass at her house. I told her that it would be Friday. Normally, this would be okay --- but since the brother is there, this was not okay and I got a "well, you better do it or we are going to do it ourselves..."

Since I would actually be getting OUT of the job --- this sounds like a good thing, but it would involve my uncle riding my Dad's lawn mower and I know in my heart my Dad would not like this. Last year, he hated the fact that he could no longer get outside and mow the grass himself. He didn't really want me riding around on his (almost new) John Deere lawnmower, but he let me. I just don't feel that he would appreciate my uncle doing it. And so...I guess I'm making more work for myself, but I know Dad would be nodding his approval.

An Update as to Where We Are So Far

I've been stalling on updating this blog.

I go back and forth between wanting to document every painful detail that is happening and wanting to keep things private. My Dad was a very private person and I guess I've inherited that from him. Yet, meanwhile I want to get my story out there --- both as a way to help others who might go through the same thing and also because I know it is therapuetic to 'talk' about it. I do have a personal journal, but I can't seem to make myself take a pen (or pencil) in hand and write this stuff down. Somehow it come out better when my fingers are tapping on a keyboard, over putting ink on paper.

I need to go into more details and perhaps at some point I will, but for now --- I will just let you know that my mother and I butted heads over my attempts at helping her with the finances and then she got a lawyer...and then I got a lawyer...and....well, we are sort of at a truce for the moment, but I have a lot of thinking to do.

Do I continue to help a person that trusts me so little that she hired a lawyer to check up on me?
Do I put my feelings aside and help her just because she's my mother?

I'm just not sure.

Anyway, I'm sure this sounds cryptic and I guess in a way it is, but for now, this is the best I can do.

Trying to Find Some Balance

So....I am sitting here this morning wondering how other people balance everything in their lives.

I was already drowning in a sea of disorganization and chaos before my Dad passed. Now, I not only have the job of looking after my mother, but am trying to stay on top of all the paperwork as well.

I have neat (at the moment anyway) little piles of paperwork stacked on the kitchen table and buffet that are things I either am following up on, or need to follow up on. I have a tote box that is filled with paperwork to be sorted and a notebook of stuff that needs to be put on the computer.

Meanwhile, I am trying to restart my eBay business and I am still trying to fit some writing jobs into the mix. It's still chaos, I'm still disorganized and --- at the moment --- I'm way overwhelmed.

Anyway, if you are going through the same thing, I am told that it is normal. If you asked me how to handle all of it, however, at this point in time I would have to tell you that I simply don't know. All I know is that not only do you get to deal with the grieving process of losing a loved one, but life keeps going on and somehow you have to take ahold of something and just try to keep going right along with it.

Back to the daily routine

The relatives are gone. I took them to the airport yesterday and put them on a plane.

As a follow-up to my story about my uncle. He apologized. I think he was sincere in the apology, but I still don't trust him. I want everything to be running smoothly when he returns.

Meanwhile, there is an attempt today to get things back into a more normal daily routine. I checked on my mother around 11:30 this morning and will go over to her house to mow the grass this afternoon. My hope is to find a balance between what she needs for me to do and my own life --- which at the moment seems to be ruled by chaos, but I'm working on it.

For now, I guess that is the best we can do.