I Found Your Nose - It Was In My Business

First, I apologize for neglecting this blog. I've had quite a few things going on lately and a wicked sinus infection that caused some vertigo, so my plans for writing here regularly got a bit off track.

There is quite a bit to update you on, but today I am going to tell you about the one thing you might need to expect when your mother or father has siblings.

They WILL get into your business and they WILL think they know more than you.

Case in point:

On Friday, I got into a discussion argument with my uncle. He said some very ugly things to me about how I was taking advantage of my mother and made threats about how he was going to do this and he was going to do that. He admitted he doesn't KNOW her financial situation, but it didn't stop him from having an opinion on it.

The sticking point was (and is) that my parents still own their old house, but moved a few years ago to a new one. My Dad indicated that he wanted me to have the old house, but he passed before we could work on the arrangements on it. I believe that Dad set it up where the house could become mine, but until I research things a bit more, I honestly don't know for certain.

My uncle threatened to come back in a month and a half and put the house up for sale. I haven't had a chance to openly talk to my mother about this, so I don't know what she thinks about his actions, but I can say his words to me both hurt me and made me furious at the same time. He has no clue as to whether my mother has a dollar in the bank or $1,000,000. While I could have told him --- it really isn't any of his business.

Although I have no intention of telling him or even with dealing with him EVER AGAIN - I did realize last night that it is imperative that my mother knows and understands her finances. She kept her head stuck in the sand while my Dad handled everything and she really isn't aware of what she has or how much there is.

Anyway, my advice to you for today would be --- have a clear understanding with your parents about how the money situation is to be handled. My husband had a similar problem with his father and all of his relatives got into the middle of their business as well. Money causes people to become really ugly sometimes and when the ugliness is coming from a family member, it just makes dealing with all the upheaval in your life that you're already dealing with, oh, so much worse.

Before and After - A Month Ago Today

All day yesterday (the 12th) I kept thinking about how a month ago my Dad was alive and I was uneasy about taking him to the emergency room. I would note the time and think "we were doing this at this time last month" or "I guess this was happening right about then."

I keep wishing I could go back and do that day differently. Did an 8 hour wait in the emergency room stress my Dad into the point of having a heart attack? Was he having symptoms that day that I overlooked or he didn't tell me about? Should I have done something different and what would it have been?

Regardless of the answers to these questions - all I know is that around 11 p.m. I hugged my Dad goodnight and told him I would talk to him the next day. Somewhere in between then and when my mother found him the next morning - Dad passed and my life will never be the same again.

...And So the Weeks Go On

It's hard to believe Dad passed away a month ago this Friday.

The week it happened, time stood still. The days slowed and each one was more painful than the next. There were plans to be made, people to be notified, and relatives flying in. Strangely, each day seemed to have more hours in it than just the normal 24. The nights were rough and extra long with little or no sleep.

The days since have moved quickly. I was surprised to realize we were already approaching that one month anniversary. How is that even possible?

I don't think things will ever be "normal" again, but life is going on and we are moving in a forward direction. However, there is a part of me that keeps wishing for a way to time travel. I yearn for a way to return to a day when my life was happy and things seemed more carefree.

Meanwhile, my mother is settling down some. I'm not sure how long this will last. She remains confused about some things and her words to me have damaged our relationship, but she needs me and I suppose deep down I accept that I probably need her too.

Where we are going from here --- I have no clue. There is still a lot of stuff to be done and as Easter came and went, I realized that there will be a first "Father's Day Without Dad," a first "4th of July Without Dad," and so on....

For now....it's just one day at a time and muddling through each one as it comes.

Paranoia - or When Someone Really IS Out to Get You

I'm not sure what's up with my mother, but we are going another round of "you're trying to take all my money." She has said this to me about four or five times now since Dad passed.

The kicker is - it appears the guy that has been helping my parents with yard work, painting and such....really IS out to get them. Financially ---- anyways.

I've found out that in the last two or three weeks, he has charged her $40 for some woodwork (that probably took him 30 minutes and was a real shoddy job) and $60 for mowing the yard (which is about $20 too much for the amount of yard there is).

Now...she's mad at ME for not telling her not to let him do it.

Today, I am suppose to go over and get her car and get an oil change done. I feel like I am getting ready to do battle with her - and I don't like it.

Thankfully, she has a doctor appointment in about a week. I'm going to discuss the paranoia with him and see what we need to do. :(

Cutting the Red Tape: Form 29-4125

Once someone is declared dead, an interesting thing starts to happen. Mail arrives asking for confirmation that the person has actually passed. This leads you to believe that somewhere, someone has actually received one of these letters and is still alive.

I'm sure that would seem like some big cosmic joke to the living recipient of one of these letters, but as the surviving child or spouse --- it is sort of a kick in the teeth. Another reminder that your loved one is gone.

If your loved one was a military veteran and had a VA Group Insurance Policy, you will probably get one of these types of letters a week or so after the funeral. Apparently, once the Social Security Administration gets the news, the automatic paperwork starts-a-coming.

The letter from the VA (Veterans Administration) will ask for confirmation of the death in writing, or give you a phone number to get further information about how to file the claim. Plan this call when you have plenty of time to hold on the line because (trust me) you will need it.

The process is fairly straight-forward. They will mail you a form or you can go online and print it out from your computer. The form you will need is called 29-4125 - Claim for Sum Payment.

If you're reading this - you can simply click on my link and go straight to the form. I've saved you some time and a headache. For me, however, it took about 30 minutes to locate this form because my "Helpful Service Representative" - gave me this number as 29-41-25. Not once, but twice. While this might make for an interesting Lotto Pick for Cash 3, it will NOT bring up the correct PDF form on a Google search. And...yes...she actually told me to go to Google and type in the number. There is no easy-to-find website address to simply get you there!

I also kept hearing "Claim for Some Payment," which almost played out like a "Who's on First?" moment until I realized she was saying "Sum."

Once you have this form (and as I said - they will also mail it to you if you prefer) - you fill it out and send it along with a copy of the death certificate. You can FAX it or send it by snail mail. Thankfully, the form is one page and simple to fill out.

We're at the "sending back" step now - so...I'll let you know what happens next.