Dealing with Burnout

A couple of weeks before my Dad passed I realized I was suffering from burnout. Just as a mother becomes stressed out with her children, I was burning out from taking care of my parents.

At the time, it was mostly (and continues to be) my mother that was driving me crazy. Mom would call on a daily basis wanting me to pick up this, or bring her that. She had endless lists of things that she needed for me to get her (right now!) so she could take care of my Dad.

Then there were the weekly doctor appointments and the juggling of schedules so my husband could help me get my Dad down the stairs and into the car. At times I felt like I could probably have handled the situation alone, but if the hubby didn't come - then my mother did. Her nervous and anxious rambling on the long trips to the doctors office made me feel like I was closing in on a psychotic break.

I missed the quieter times of taking my Dad to the doctor by myself. It was only then that we could talk. Really talk. He would tell me things about jobs he had taken while in high school (before the military), places he had lived, and at times (if I was lucky) a little bit about his military experience.

Once he was in and out of the hospital, however, all that changed. It virtually took a "village" to keep things running smoothly. He had Home Care workers on a daily basis (except for weekends). There were calls to doctors and coordinating with builders for a wheelchair ramp to be built.

It all bucked along somewhat chaotically, but a couple of weeks before his death - I was really feeling like my life was going out of control. Dad was frustrated that he wasn't making more progress (the swelling in his legs prevented him from walking without assistance), mother was overly tired and becoming more confused and my aunt (who had promised to come if she was needed) had basically retracted on her promise and wouldn't be coming (and didn't) unless there was an actual emergency.

Where I am going with all of this - is that - I realized late last night that the burnout is back. I spent an almost sleepless night going over a long, daunting "to-do" list that has no end in sight. I realize this is normal. I just don't know what to do about it. My "plan" last time had been to take advantage of a week where Dad had no doctor visits scheduled and take some "down-time." Ironically, the Universe had other plans because that was the week that he died.

Anyway, where I'm going with this is that I think the first step in dealing with burnout is realizing it is there. The tension in the neck and upper back, lack of sleep, irritability....it's not just a "bad day" if the bad days keep happening.

I confess that I don't have an answer as to what to do, other than take it a day at a time and try to be kind to yourself. Realize that if you don't take care of yourself - you can't take care of anyone else. Now....if I can just remember this.....