Navigating the Paper Trail

The first thing you discover when someone has passed away...is that there is a lot of paperwork.

Although it is possible that the remaining spouse may be able to wade through it without any help, in other cases (as I am finding out) you may find that you have to navigate the trail with them, or even do it for them.

On Tuesday of last week, my mother was in the phase of wanting to do it all herself. I was "rushing things" and doing things in a way she didn't understand. Since I KNEW she wasn't going to be able to handle everything, I was actually merely moving things along for her, since I had some vague idea of what the steps should be. Finally, I realized that she wanted to be a part of the process even though it was apparent that she had no clue what the process involved or what steps it would take.

So....the advice for today is....slow down. Give the person you are trying to help time to read over all those brochures, forms, and paperwork that may be arriving in the mail (or given to your family by the helpful people at the funeral home or courthouse). Even if your parent doesn't understand it, they still need to feel like they have some control over what is happening and are part of the process.

I'm a "take charge" and "get it done" person, so this has been hard for me to do, but it appears to be necessary.

For instance...I decided to postpone going through all my Dad's paperwork and just deal with the things that have to be done now or rather...sooner than later.

This includes:

• Probate the will



• Fill out the paperwork for Social Security



• Help mother apply for VA benefits



• Help mother change over Retirement to Spousal Benefits

There is so much more to do, of course, but for now I'm simply putting on my hiking gear and using this as our starting point. If all goes well on this journey....I'll report in with our progress as we hit these paper trailheads throughout the week!