All day yesterday (the 12th) I kept thinking about how a month ago my Dad was alive and I was uneasy about taking him to the emergency room. I would note the time and think "we were doing this at this time last month" or "I guess this was happening right about then."
I keep wishing I could go back and do that day differently. Did an 8 hour wait in the emergency room stress my Dad into the point of having a heart attack? Was he having symptoms that day that I overlooked or he didn't tell me about? Should I have done something different and what would it have been?
Regardless of the answers to these questions - all I know is that around 11 p.m. I hugged my Dad goodnight and told him I would talk to him the next day. Somewhere in between then and when my mother found him the next morning - Dad passed and my life will never be the same again.
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