Time Out

I've done a lot of thinking since my conversation with my mother this past Friday. Actually, I've done more than that. There's bee a lot of crying, a lot of venting and a lot of talking.

I finally came to the conclusion that I am going to have to "Let Go and Let God." In other words, I have to walk away from this situation and give both me and my mother some space. I think she hasn't taken me seriously because I've told her several times that if she continued on the path she was on --- I would be out of her life. Instead, I hung on hoping that an irrational person would suddenly become rational.

Last night, I told a friend of mine that it kind of reminded me of some of the relationships I had in high school. You know....you fall madly in love with a guy after he takes you out a couple of times. When he decides you're not the right one, however, he starts treating you bad because he knows he can. And....you take it. You take it, because you initially believe that if you do the right thing, say the right thing, act the right way --- the guy will see what a wonderful person you are.

Unfortunately, this never works and eventually you discover that he is dating the girl that has the locker right next to you (yep, that actually happened). So...you go off to lick your wounds and it hurts for a while and then one day you're suddenly okay.

Although the situation is completely different in most aspects, the staying around when someone is treating you bad is the same. I do realize she doesn't know what she is doing. BUT....continuing to let her treat me the way she has (dementia or not) allows her to keep doing it. And....I'm not strong enough to not be hurt by everything she has said and continues to say.

As someone pointed out to me last night --- her needs are being met. She is still able to feed herself, dress herself, take her medicine and even still drives. Her bills are now being paid by the paralegal. A guy comes around and does her yard work.

Her family has pushed and shoved me as far out of her life as they can, but my husband suspects that they think that I will still be there to get her to doctors appointments and do the odd things that she comes up with.

Alas, I can't do it. It hurts too much and I know I've said it before but I have resolved myself to the fact that for now --- I have to walk away.

Will this help anything in our relationship? I don't know. I do know that just as the child who is told they will be grounded and then is allowed to go to a friend's house --- she won't learn (if she can learn) as long as I continue to allow the behavior.

So --- here's where I am at. I don't plan to take her calls or call her back unless there is a true emergency. I am not sure if I will take any of her relatives call --- which will most likely start happening once they realize I meant what I said.

I will probably take some time off from this blog and then start posting about what I have learned about dementia and Alzheimer's. I will tell you about things I learned after my Dad went in and came out of the hospital and at times I will probably talk to you about my Dad.

Where this will all ultimately end remains to be seen. The hurt child in me wants my mother and her family to see the error of their ways. The adult in me realizes this is probably not going to happen. In the end, however, I do know I tried. I guess for now that will have to enough.